These days I'm striving for equanimity, but sometimes I'm struck by the amazing ups and downs all in a single day of parenting. There are the times when I feel a rush of pride and can't stop smiling like today when Ember greeted everyone at the pool with a wave or when she claps her hands together all tumbly and awkward when she's excited. It's so cute!
And then there are moments like today when the lifeguard insisted Beck get out of the leisure pool to publicly humiliate him for accidentally tossing a rubber toy that bonked his cousin on the head while they were playing together. This guy was so obnoxious and disrespectful. Beck is painfully careful about not breaking - or even bending any rules. And to be yelled at in such a way was terrifying for him. I watched his lip start to tremble and the tears began to fill up his goggles. It broke my heart to see him so ashamed and scared. So I just pulled him close and gave him a big hug.
And then a few hours later when I'm trying to get dinner together and the boys are squabbling and Ember is crying, I'm about ready to pull my hair out. And even later after baths and everyone is in jammies and snuggled up to me while we read stories together I feel warm and relaxed and so happy that this is me and my life.
I guess I have a long way to go before equanimity.
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