Baby Feelings

When we met Ember for the first time and took her back to the hotel with us that first day, we didn't really notice any obvious signs of stress or nervousness with us. But now when I look at how different she is, I wonder if Ember really was scared to be pulled out of her little world at the Thomas Center, her quiet life in her crib. For instance, when we first got her she would scream almost panicky before she got her bottle. Was that how she learned to act in order to be fed among 14 other babies or was that because she was unsure of who we were, where she was, and how she'd get another bottle? She acts a little irritated now when she's hungry, but nothing like the first week.

And I remember clearly when we had her on the bed with us back at our hotel, alone for the first time together and I sneezed. Initially she was startled, but then she cried in a way that was so clearly sad and scared. She cried like that two times the first day, but I haven't heard anything like it since. Mostly she seemed her content happy self so we didn't really think much of it, but now my heart hurts a little for her when I remember it. I'm sure there will be more times in her life that she'll be sad for a loss that our boys will never experience. And as her mother, that makes me sad too.